The Jenny Files
I think it was around the age of 13 that I started writing emails to my family called "The Jenny Files." It was in the very early 2000's, before social media had really taken off. I received regular letters and emails from my family, asking how I was doing, how school was, what I was into these days, what was on my mind... I grew tired of writing the same thing over and over to multiple people who I cared about, and thought of something to make all our lives easier - I'd send an "email blast" newsletter to my family. (does anyone under the age of 50 say "email blast" anymore?)
So for a while, I recounted my pre-teen adventures to my family, sending my little newsletter with pictures as often as I could to let them know what was going on in my very important and unique life. I think I kept it up regularly for about a year, but that could just be the time-warped memory of a child.
I enjoyed it at first, but then it got to be kind of stressful as I found myself coming up on my self-set monthly deadline, getting hung up on the wording of my entry, and deciding what kind of news would make the cut. God knows I couldn't waste my family's precious time, and I needed them to know what a smart and polished 13-going-on-30-year-old I was.
I didn't know it at the time, but it was just one of many ways that my obsessive compulsive personality would disrupt my daily life, and would prove to be a persistent issue even to my now, actually, 30-something-year-old self (no, I don't want to tell you exactly how old I am now...) Perhaps though it isn't worth blaming on my personality, but just the fleeting fancies of a teenager, as I wrote less frequently, more sporadically, and eventually, stopped writing altogether.
My uncle asked my mother once of a phone call, "Where's my Jenny file this month?" in an effort to guilt me into sending one. I felt the guilt, but not enough motivation to pick it up again.
Instead I got busy with my teenage life, worrying about grades, boys, girls, and my future.
So now here we we are, over 20 years later. Back to the beginning, reconsidering the value of those "Jenny Files" I put down so long ago.
I'll vent more about social media in another post, but for now, suffice to say that I used Facebook to act as my "jenny files," just as everyone else used it for their own "me files" - but after 14 years of witnessing it change and devolve, I finally did the right damn thing and dropped it.
A long time ago, somewhere in between the toxic relationships with MySpace, FaceBook, and everything else- I started a few blogs here and there. I never kept them up. But for many weeks recently, I've kicked around the idea of starting one up again, while considering carefully what I really wanted out of it. I scoured the internet for a suitable vehicle for my intention, and am grateful to have found bearblog... It is as simple as I could ask for - it's all that I really ever wanted.
I don't know how often I'll post, or what I'm even going to post about... But I know that what I miss the most about writing newsletters, blogs, or posting on social media, is the ability to express myself in a raw and authentic way - to show and tell the world what's on my mind, without just word vomiting through a keyboard... Maybe this makes me a bit of a mental exhibitionist, but I like having my diary out there for others to read, for some reason.
So welcome back to my life. Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for reading the "Birdie Files."